Whats new???HELL LOT!!!!

Hello!!!I'm back.......ah feels good to be typing that fast like you know,like some finger warm up,losing those unwanted finger calories then looking up and reading what i just wrote.....I'M BLOGGING!!!AGAIN!!!ah its been a WHOLE MONTH,EVEN MORE.Sheesh!!what was i thinking,that i can SO do without this blog!!!!HOW VERY STUPIDLY ARROGANT OF ME!!!I cant to without this thing........ALL APOLOGIZES!!but hey i bet alot has changed in yer lives,even you.Me,i don't know how much I've changed,i still love the color green,I'm still sarky,I still sleep late.......and think of the same things.BUT,alots been going on and when i say that i mean it........i have amazing rapports with people i didn't even think i would ever wanna know,no not in the bad sense,as in when you're going on you think you don't need anyone,what good can he/she be.But then you realize,DAMN!!!This is so cool!!!where were they all this while?
Honestly,on the emotional front it seems I'm always surprised,like how could i react this way?I mean its a new day for me,and i realize i don't know myself all that well.I really don't!!!And its not the best feeling sometimes,cause you're lost and confused and you think and Re-think and have thoughts then of course second thoughts........AAAAAAAAAAA,what a mess!!!!
You know that feeling when you get something you always wanted ?i don't know, i really reacted in the complete opposite way,of what i thought.I just didn't know what to do with it,NOW THAT I HAVE IT.AND then comes in the part played by those "sweet things".........they're there to sort it out for me.I don't really know why people like me ,no seriously i don't mean to sound modest or anything.But i wonder,its not really an easy thing to like someone,not for me,but then i don't really hate anyone either.I really wonder why?And i get various answers,nice to the ear, pleasing to the eye............I CANT HEAR ON GTALK NOW CAN I!!!anyway,I've come a long way,and alot o people will agree with me,I've seen bad luck,heartache,boredom,cat aids................AHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAH ,STELLAR!!!but seriously,that's what life is a circle 360 degrees,comes back as ugly or pretty you left it.........pretty in my case,neh i guess its too soon to say how pretty or ugly, but I'm hanging on.I'm still JUST a girl,i mite be oxygen to some the god of this blog but i cant do much,sigh!I wonder alot,and i feel stupid ,cause its not like the others do the same right?EGO HASSLES!!!oh god i cant seem to get over them,quite like the guy i couldn't get over.BUT i have to learn,I SO HAVE TO.You know it doesn't really feel nice when you know something horrible is gonna happen and you still cant do anything about it,the hopeless situation.
HOW TO SPOIL A RELATIONSHIP!!I have to learn that,cause it seems i could be the master of it,sigh.I mean I'm ready to be practical,but I'm NOT naturally pragmatic.I'm a little confused you know,cause i usually end up thinking about where do i stand,in life ,in a relationship............ANY RELATIONSHIP.Sometimes when you want someone to be there,they aren't,..........but someone else is,so what should i do,who should i value more........sigh quite a pickle to be in!!I've hated comparisons,i still do i always will!and i hate to say this but they make me feel down real down.Love,another thing which drives me crazy..........and the only thing which makes me go all "I DON'T KNOW,LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"I totally hate people who go all"i don't know!"that's like such a bummer man.....WHO ELSE WOULD???I'm a little scared,liking someone THAT much,its quite a risk,cause you either you fall terribly in love with yourself or you forget to love yourself!!And I've never really loved anyone all that much....besides myself.......NEVER.No, mum dad friends Paul Walker Dave Matthews.........there different cases.But this is different.You know its like this investment,LOVE IS,trust me,you put in your time,money,feelings ,emotions(THIS IS THE BIGGEST RISK,PHEW!!!) so its got to be good,durable, long,how long,i don't know I'm not an expert.But yeah its quite an investment,so you gotta be sure,OK i sound stupid but you have to ,i mean trust me I'm not really the nicest person to be around,OK YOU ALL TRUST ME THEN!I'm still new in the land of unconditional,selfless love....AND ALL THAT MUMBO JUMBO!!but I've never shied away from anything that's come my way,so I'm not a wimp...................but i don't talk too much about it.......i mean i do but not too much,saving it for a rainy day!!!!!I'm kinna the one time thing person,i could be shallow but I'm not shallow as a person,i know it,cause i wont be thinking so much,typing all this...........and now i realise i always end up standing where I left ............I WONDER............I STILL DO.............

psst-LeRoi Moore,the dmb saxophonist died on 19th afternoon........ah god.........its horrible man,RIP.

psst-and whoever has been viewing my blog..........I LOVE YOU.........i mean this is called selfless love,so this post is to whoever they are,wish you a flavoured luck.........RAD!!!!

psst-i've been listening to Romeo and Juliet,again........i dont know its like i never heard it this way.......and i love it...........and i'm confused cause i dont really know the exact meaning of it.AND yeah IAMX........saaaaaaaxy!!!