Been where?Done what?

Today was a sad day,that's in a nutshell.Leaving your city.....FINALLY,and all the hassle with it ,is sad ,though you always wanted to do that.You leave behind alot,and take very few along......cause you have to make room for new things and the hassle they bring along.Its a wonder how we all "know" whats it is going to be like when something would happen.Like before it rains,we already "know"........everything would look different,smell different,but when it actually rains its nothing like you had in mind..........and that's when you realize......."I didn't quite know I would fee like THAT".We're no Einsteins......and we're not too experienced,we never are.Its that hollow feeling i get every time i wonder I'm not going to be "home".....its a little unsettling too.....its almost funny,as i kid i would've laughed if someone said "You're not going home for months"........and now i know.....what they mean when they say "I miss home" OR "I miss you!".Its that feeling like a knot in your heart......or your heart tied in chains......only less goth and grotesque.
In retrospect.......i have left so many people behind me,I mean my 3rd standard class-mate was SO special to me cause she helped me cheat.....or my kindergarten best pal was my world cause we had the best places to hide when it came to hide and seek.......or the new girl in the 8th standard who called me her best friend just cause i helped her catching up in the Geography class.....where are all these people,I HAVE NO IDEA.Its amazing how you just move on....like reading a book you go from chapter to chapter,page to page looking for something new,something better,something.......something else!!!!You have your favourite chapters.....with the twists and the turns and you always remember them,even though it was about the good guy dying.Someone else's heartbreak becomes your favourite song,funny the way it is!!
And yes,I'm 19 now.......and for some reason i now realise how important it is to celebrate your own birthday,I always thought it wasn't a big deal cause it comes every year and that birthday parties were a charade(you have to invite people you don't even want to).But now i think they're right,if you think about it you are never going to be 19 again.......you are going to get older and life, more complicated so its a celebration of the twisted life ahead and of the simpler life that went with the previous years...........SO REJOICE!!BE MERRY!!
I also forgave someone........yes my first encounter with forgiveness.......me accepting something as illogical as "forgiveness" was quite a fiat.See its your perception that matters,when you have a grudge its like this invisible anvil yer carrying...AND its heavy.So if you want to live and live well.....forgive the ones who did wrong not cause that's what saints do.......but for the simple reason that an ass would never know how dim he is,for an ass he's like anyone else.If you're smart enough you would cut the poor animal some slack......AND FORGIVE HIM!On a more serious note.......if you want to read the next chapter in the book of your life and if you want the end to be good.......forgive the treacherous bad guy,he's not as bright as you!And believe me,you would finally be able to say......That?Oh that was a long time back!!!!Its all about satisfaction,because happiness is a by-product,don't run after it,its elusive........its like one of those sci-fi whodunits.......when you think you know what the bad guys want.....but in the end its a TOTAL shock!
In the end all i would want to say is that its not a fairy tale we live in,where logic dies a tragic death......and fantasies have a field day,its life, its not a bitch or unfair or fair or beautiful.....or maybe its all of it,so stop putting yer life in a box with a big label on it,it doesn't need one,its like an unfinished journal..where bad things can also happen to good people and evil can behead the good and go to Hard Rock cafe and celebrate........so just live it,leave the typecasting to others........who would do it with pleasure once you're dead!

psst-And yes.....you can love your life if you want,that's totally legitimate!