Should, i know what i wanna?

hmmmmmmm,no this isn't one of those night time thoughts which creep up cause you have all the time in the world to fan those stupid thoughts!!!But this is one of those thoughts which pass my mind from time to time,like SSSSSSSSSSWWWWWWWWISH............yeah and the second time they enter my brain shack its slower,cause i start taking them seriously.OK,Question:Should you know MORE then you are suppose to?I mean could it be any good or is it only a way to mess up your already messed up thoughts?I mean there is always a line right between curiosity and well DANGEROUS curiosity.Dangerous well cause on the other side of it,which is the fulfillment of it er......things get pretty ugly......FOR YOU!Yeah i almost pointed a finger there,hahhahahha!Anyway,yeah so we were talking about curiosity,ah i have oodles of it and i hide it.......hahahha..its almost like me having my"coming out" moments right now HAHAHHAHHAHHAHAH,only that m straight.......yeah well!
I don't know you know,sometimes i feel i have a right when i just need to know,but well then i get all.......ah man i cant deal with my own life why should i go about snooping into someones shitty underpants,hehehheheh.................ah THE FILTH!!!sigh,seriously when do you know yer trespassing on someones personal space?I mean I've never had any issues but i just wonder,IF.............IF(I said "IF")I let go........how ugly could it be?AND its not something i associate with one person,I'm talking about everyone i know of........i mean when you come down to "I fucking wanna know" its not too nice,the sound of it..............right?you know i always felt if someone wants you to know something they will come and tell you all by themselves,but well WHAT DID I KNOW,they're all a bunch of attention seekers,AND I COUNT MYSELF IN TOO!!!You always need a bit of "temme please,come on,its me,you could tell me!"
DAMN!!!You know when do i feel guilty,i feel guilty when i know a bit more than what the person thinks i know........i feel i spoil it for myself,I lose from both sides,HOW?I'll tell you,see if the person tells me.....i feel sad cause well i know it already or well cause its a sad thing to know like a confession.........i feel sad cause i already saw it coming and i COULDN'T do anything,helpless!and well the other side..........if the person doesn't tell me I'm sad again,cause i was deprived of it.......OH THAT HURTS!
Sometimes i feel i have too many secrets,and sorting them out becomes an issue.It not fun you know too have too many of them cause then you've to play safe,not let out...........its like you're in soundproof room and you cant really do anything.......you gotta break down those walls,to let out,TO GET OUT!And my biggest secret is well,that I AM CURIOUS.........i wanna know,i wanna know why things happen and why they don't............but well keeping that relatively cool, composed "i don't really wanna know" gimmick doesn't really let me,SAD!!!!Gimmicks,oh come on all o you play them everyday........so well don't sympathize with me,no ones any good.And you know what its a two way road,if one doesn't be so stuck up the other wont reciprocate the same way,so we're all at fault somewhere............and well i don't even feel better blaming it on the others,I know i do it somewhere too!I think we spoil it for ourselves and then we go about looking for someone else to clean the mess.......AH WHAT LOSERS!WHAT BABYS!And well this bears testimony.........I can see it coming..........I SO can.........sigh.......and i cant do anything about it.........MAN I WANT A CHANGE O PLANS!!!!!!!

ps-Plans.........eh........like i have any major ones.........no i do i think...........and all i can think of is a dialogue-"One woman,one zipka one life".........hahahhahhahhaha,AND checkout this flick "little black diaries",I felt DISCOVERED, man!!!

Its all good,FOLKS!!

Sigh,being practical is it easy for you people?like doing things acceptable by the worldly standards?i mean don't you give into temptation of doing something you like and ONLY like,something which makes you feel like jumping into it without even giving it a thought or second thought??!?!I mean i can't say "I've been doing some thinking" cause i do it alot these days............er.......and always!!!I mean don't know myself all that well and it seems like i always need someone to help me know ME!You get it?I don't know if i do,cause its like waking up every morning with a plan,and deciding to follow it with all your heart,feeling you know yourself.And then someone comes and makes you feel so good, even without having a plan you can be all good in control of yourself and your life!And we think its all us,we,me,I..........just to realize later that it never was you.........it was him......AND only him.Someone else who made you feel you could stand up on your two feet,breathe free,love the wrongs you did and that theres always a way to make it turn around.
I've never been too practical,seriously....NEVER,and its all good.....it all works out for me.I get wise with time and i get wise when i have someone with me,anyone......i always do.Someone always comes my way and makes it worth living,makes me feel its all good and that the ones who live the practical way are missing out on something,HA!Isn't being practical the safer way to live?Don't do this its so stupid wont be any good!Don't do that its too unconventional and too lame wont happen!I mean isn't that being a wimp,just doing something which works,isn't that like serving your scared ego,which is scared to fall...........cause your just too bloody good to lose?!?I've ruined many a things being what I'm not,being practical and OH SO PRAGMATIC!!!
i cant manage all that,that's not me,cause then probably my whole life would be a fantasy!!
Probably then i wouldn't have fallen in love,cause seriously that's the BIGGEST mistake you would love to do!!Hey loving yourself takes a backseat once in a while AND that's not a rosy picture my friend!!I mean i wont say i was practical...........but i guess i always was scared you know,to commit.Not commitment phobic,sheesh that's like some Sexually transmitted disease people are proud of!I mean i was good having fun.........single life isn't the best thing if you always wanted someone....but if you have no plans..........OH ITS ORGASMIC!!!!Trust me,messing around with some,the chase.........and then you do something stupid,you laugh about later,AH DAMN,kills me!!!!!But then if you have no plans,love might be the creepiest thing ever,really..........someone being all nice to you for no sexual,mental,financial,social gains.........er doesn't fit in,does it?its like something which grows on to you like a bad-nice-looking fungi,and they say things which grow on to you,are the best things hehehh!!Its not like i was a cold heartless bitch(er....bt i do play that gimmick)and love changed me,OH NO NO,you're taking this thing too seriously,ahhahhahah.I always took love seriously,seriously enough that i thought i would never fall in it till i'm 25 or 24,cause 17/18 doesn't really seem that sorta age to do SERIOUS stuff,hahahhahah...........DAMN ,WHAT A KID!!!!WE are really shallow at this age,very straight about what we want,very stubborn about things,nothing will change our mind,NOTHING AT ALL.And why should it,we've got all we want "a life,people thinking I'm cool,good clothes,I've slept with a hot chick,I know what snow blowing is,OH MAN I'M GOD!!".Shit you call that grown up,ha,!No wonders we're still called juvenile by people,we're not really adults even when we're 18,the constitution was written when a whole different race of men lived,so don't take it too seriously!!!sigh,i love being 18 i liked 17 better though,but its good.........I'm just gearing up i guess for the big stuff ahead, right?I dream alot,and they always come true...weird ain't it?!?!doesn't fit into your practical set up.........hahahah.......cause for you life's always "a cold hard,struggle up hill!!",hahahhahhahhahhahhahhahha.Get a grip,its your life and Hitlers dead........lets just live it......and love it........and make it good,SHALL WE?

P.S.-I love you.............and I'm not talking to Dave Matthews here.........:P