HATE........today's word,the feeling when you wish someone would jump off their ass and die.I have finally felt it,and it sure gives you a kick...........to a new found freedom from some old threads, to this bright new feeling and for finally realising the difference between getting floored and fooled(Ladies,high time!) And peeps,black is the new white................if you know what i mean ;)


DISCLAIMER
No one was hurt during the writing of this post.

The Three Gorgons(Past,present and the future)

Future.........something which probably makes half the things in our life actually happen!Its a wonder how we always glorify our past and romanticize our future but always sideline our present.The greed for a better future is something hard to give up,we probably would never get out of our beds if there was no "future" waiting to be created by US!But then putting your present on the back burner is that right?Have we started taking our present for granted?Or did we always do that and probably never realised till the word "hindsight" came into existence?AH, questions questions and some more of them,I have been wondering alot and i still don't get tired of it.You know those cliches of life is so short or life is a bitch well do make sense,besides the fact that life is more of a tramp than bitch.No seriously life is short,before you even know,your FUTURE is already your PAST!!!think about it,it happens every single day,even now,but we all are SO use to it and we live so peacefully with this fact that all we know is how to make up for a fucked up past is our future.It is a wonder how we let things go by right in front of us and only realise later,so many times........it aches and its horrible to feel ,well er,.............LIKE AN ASS!!Hhahahhaahh,and funnier is the fact how we feel "indebted" to the one who made us realise all those thing.
Sometimes I wonder,do we only value those things which are in our past?Is regret for the past greater than hope for the future?Its a tricky question ain't it,scary too,cause we all have plans,which probably brighten our day and well make us feel that things are taking shape,or that the future isn't a total stranger to us............a sweet acquaintance maybe!So, what if something has no place in your past but sure has a plum place in your future,will you,are you willing to give it the same weightage?Because no matter how much of a daredevil streak we have,the insurance companies are making money cause of people like you and me!!!We are scared,aren't we?Well there shouldn't me any shame in saying yes to that,anticipation is not a felony,it might just save a life!!!I have always tried to do the impossible(which has nothing to do with the t-shirt quote-trying to slam a revolving door!!!), to have a future with the best of my past or present.............present well ,cause when you're thinking of the future, the present is already GONE!!SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!I however do give up very soon,and decide to live in the moment,know what I want right now,cause I'm HERE not THERE.........and that makes me the king of my world!I don't know about life but the present sure is my bitch!!!And i meant it in the best possible way(if there is one).So for me, people who go like "love you always"OR "hate you till the day i die" at the drop of a hat,are actually sweet ol foolish people,who very soon are going to break hearts..........m counting theirs too!!!Because my friends always is LOOOOOOOOOONG,forever is LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONGER(cause it has an extra letter,i guess)so when you say it the other person DOES believe it,and if doesn't work out you get a bad name.Flying and soaring is fine,its fun building up stuff........but seriously do me one big favour,how many times have you said forever or always and actually done that.I'm sure alot of of times you did it,but not every single time?Or well I'm sure there are those too who hardly do it,and yet cant get enough of saying the blessed words!!!!!
I'm not the wind of change and I'm not here to make a point,I'm not even telling you all to think about what i just said(like I can stop that from happening!!)I'm just trying to say that its always better to hang on to something credible,like wouldn't you prefer QuickFix over glue(we're not talking bout playing people,serious talk here please!!)Its always better to know what you HAVE before you yearn for what you don't!So,today just do this little thing,go kiss your doormat.................AAAAAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA.oh man!!!!!That was a long laugh!What i meant is,go kiss someone whose THERE with you,cause the ones who aren't might never be!But then i can't stop you from hoping,now can i?I just mean to say that don't forget to look around from time to time and love what you HAVE,and if there is new stuff coming,hell we can always make room ,right?I guess being a little human nowadays is pansy behaviors,giving a shit that's the real McCoy eh!??!!Fine then I like pansy.........BITE ME!!


PSST-someone very young and wise,someone ME once said-if tomorrow is another yesterday I prefer today!Sigh,somethings last forever ,cause I'm HERE and I still stand by that.

psst-Greek mythology is like quick sand.......trust me it just gets to you!!

A Death Doesn't Always Kill.

Curbside Prophet's Note-I am old ,so old i have a beard now............AAAAAAAAAAA,YEAH YOU'D WISH!!!!Sorry folks its just a poem for now!!OK well as i have made it clear poems are only written when there is no logical conclusion to the pitiful condition around you.When you are overwhelmed,er...........when I am,rather.So here it is a poem,the fruit o frustration and yet its pretty,free flowing and HEY!!IT makes me happy awrite!well its not a sob story,its a poem which eulogises sadness,shows how sometimes being sad could make you do things(positive things)which happiness can never do.I use a bit of mockery for "happy people",quite loosely put,but its not going to make you wanna be sad than happy(AWRITE!!! THE MOCKERY STOPS HERE,I promise).On a more serious note,sometimes its not about the root of the pain,its about who comes along and saves you,helps you recover(could be anyone,for me the pizza guy).I compare sadness to death here,death for me is the apogee of both happiness and sadness.And "death"over here is not physical death,cause i believe its not the end of pain.I don't know how it feels when you are dying but I'm sure you cant explain or you are overwhelmed enough to write a poem about it;)!!!!!!!!

Its hard to know sometimes what you feel,
Its not a wound,but you still want it to heal,
The heaviness pulling you down,
Its better not to swim but to drown,
You close your eyes hoping to see,
An empty space,with just you and me,
Who you are,I am yet to know,
The one who can make it rain,the one who can make it snow.

The tragic life of a happy person makes me weep,
Because they never get to go too far,too deep,
The world of wonder is for the ones who cry,
And new starts are for the ones who die,
You look up and stare,like that could make it rain,
Your eyes do it for you,when yer foolish efforts are in vain.

A promise is a promise,a kiss is a kiss,
All fancy jargon makes sense when in a state of bliss,
Oh I could fight the winds,I could fight the sea,
But i cant fight the tempest inside me,
You need to come along,be whoever you want to be,
To save a life,to save me from me.......

psst-Hmmmm,the problems within you(read:not asthma)are the hardest to counter.Its you who start it but you always need someone else to make it right.Logic doesn't apply here,THIS world is bereft of all logic,this world is a sucker for comfort,for reverse psychology.......this world doesn't need a solution,it needs someone who can suffer the wrath with them.............WEIRD WORLD, I SAY!!!

I forgive but i don't forget......THE REDUNDANT THEORY!

The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
du du du du du du du du du du.........(what aye start,well the songs nice and sweet and has many verses but i guess i just wanted to hear this one,sigh!)


Forgiving and forgetting,issue?!?!IT IS,isn't it?People say they forgive but don't forget,somehow it makes no sense how can you TRULY forgive someone and yet keep some o back as memoria ,that's not forgiving is it?Cause every time you stumble on that particular memory you do feel the pain,slight pain...........and pain means its still there,ALL OF IT!!!!So when do you ACTUALLY forgive,like in the true sense,when you just don't remember it at all.........like wiped out totally,dead towards it.Its a wonder how we move on like nothing happened,start a fresh chapter and hope to bury the "unfortunate" events deep enough so that they never resurface.The ghost of it still haunts you,probably when you see familiar faces or come across a similar situation or see happy people who never had to deal with "IT" or probably when you go through previous chats..........I HATE THIS FEATURE!I mean I have the stupid "power" to put myself in my position(a while back)and feel the same,THE SAME..........the way i felt THEN,and hate the same person with the same intensity!!!!Don't you see its not normal,I mean i am supposedly "over it"...............i have "moved on".........i have "conquered" my foolish heart...........I HAVE "FORGIVEN"........REALLY?!?!?!?!?HAVE I?!?!?!
Its not normal,i mean i don't hate them anymore...........I am ME with them,its all in the past,which is not something i should deal with,I DON'T NEED TO.Life is so much better now,life is great, the dark phase is over...........then why do i still feel bad for me.............me, THEN.I haven't quite gotten over that have i!?!?Its so lame and its like frozen in my memory,i cant stop myself from feeling the same.If, we in reality do not forget,in the true sense,then why do we brag about being magnanimous?Why does this term exist?Fake,fake, fake!!isn't it?And if you actually did forget the whole mumbo jumbo the very next day,then i say you never were sorry for it in the first place!People do feel sorry later,don't they?Hhahahhahahhah,funny isn't it "Oh I'm feeling so sorry i didn't feel sorry earlier!".And what about judgements,i mean you gotta make them sometime,so what should you consider,what should you believe.............consider this little chit-chat,
Dik-I don't think its worth it(I'm not sure,but I'm getting there,am i???)
Gina(with a j)-Fine,lets do this, would save us alota grief(WHA!??!WHA?!?!WHA?!?!DID I JUST SAY THAT,NOOOOOOOO!!!)
Dik-Really?!?! you think so?(Now I'm not happy!!!why?)
Gina-why don't you???(JUST SAY NO!!!)
Dik-no no,i still stand by it,lets do it the nice way(er.....i guess!)
Gina- yeah nice and FAST,I've got work(YEAH YOU LOSER,I HAVE TO CALL UP BY BEST PAL AND SOB AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!)
Dik-sigh,its pretty much over(PHEW!!!!OH WAIT!!!)
Gina-Yeah,nice talking(PUT A BULLET THROUGH YOUR HEAD!)
disconnects the line
Dik-OH!! wait i mean its over...no pretty much over.........er........hello?!?hello?!?!(FUCK!)

SO..............consider this,now by some miracle it all gets back into place,it all gets fine......back to where it should ave been,the pieces of the puzzle in the right pattern,couldn't get better............would you FORGET all of it...........ALL of it,I mean even if someone ties you up and rants about it?Now some o you will say how can that happen you are bound to recall stuff if people talk about it.But then my answer to them is,forgetting means totally wiping it off,killing it,being all dead towards it.And it totally works in the other scenario too,when you do something mean and real bad(that's how we put it!)HOW CAN YOU FORGIVE YOURSELF!!I did stuff to people and frankly yeah i am ashamed of it,THERE I SAID IT,I cant just forget it,so how would they,should they? could they?Its tricky and i don't really know what works or how it works! Hence we all actually never forget..........and not forgetting means you know exactly how it felt yer experience stays with you,OH it brings you down!!!And while some play it safe others make the same mistakes over and over again..........its a never ending process.........and its fascinating how you can love and hate the same object and yet find a way to live it.............IN PEACE!

psst-I'm your Agony Aunt today.If you're like me who keeps back little things cause they seem indispensable..........THROW IT,GO CLEAN YOU BOX,THROW THOSE LITTLE NOTES,RITE NOW!!!

Oh bummer?!?!Neh uh.......OBAMA!!!

sigh.......morning!ah lovely day,WEDNESDAY!I had a good sleep yesterday.........good as in i was in bed by 12 and i got up at 6:30a.m. so every ones happy......everything in place after a long time,every things normal,in place i guess........YAY!!!!Anyway,i realised i had been sleeping for TOO long cause i didn't even realise Alex Turner had a side project going on,which btw is a FULL FLEDGED band now--The Last Shadow Puppets.AND so today when i was surfing through the NME cool list 2008 i discovered the existence of it,OMFG!!!!HOW COULD I MISS IT,DAMN!!!!But something else made up for my sorrow.......Julian Casablancas IS NOT EVEN ON THE LIST(khee khee khee).OH THE JOY!!!!ahhahahhhahah,well not so much,I'm neutral.........I don't give aye damn.....or maybe i do..but I'm just happy!And they've got real good music(m not talk bout the boys who stroke themselves,HAHAHHAHHAHAH,they're nice too)nothing like the Arctic Monkeys,but for people who have heard them too much(like me)you might just feel they do sound like AM a bit,but thats just because Turner is the front man..........try not to compare too much and they will sound different,I PROMISE!
AND i also realised some people have real funny nicknames man,real funny ones........chikni,tim tim,KITTU,rim jhim..................HAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAH.And their actual names are like such a stark contrast to them,like real grim,serious ,NICE names.......with a meaning of course.Its like their parents wanted to make up for the seriousness of their actual names,or probably their life was so dull the only way they could get a kick outta it was by calling out for their kids......"rim jhim!!!!"ahhahhahhahahhahahah.Or well its some way to get back at them,you know how kids could be, maggot pies!!!.........but then that makes no sense cause kids are nice little things....puppies and kids,AWWWWWWWSOME!But really,WHY!?!??!Why do parents do this,i mean its a blunder,it could scar their future........i mean really, a guy you're going out with,with a nice name,ACTUALLY turns out to be "tinku"......damn..........I CANT KEEP A SERIOUS FACE THEN,HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAH.............see........imagine what will the poor ol hunk feel.Hehhehehheh,but WHAT ME WORRY......I've got a nice nickname........AND an equally nice name........But its got adverse effects too,no one gets it right in the first go.I still remember my name being printed all wrong on the Christmas Service sheets,in the Principals Report,on the music competition certificates...............IT WAS EXASPERATING!!!!!!People say "Whats in a name?",but hey it means quite a bit........OH TRUST ME........there are hunky names,pretty names,original names,common names,scary names,heavy names(the volume of the name,i bet you guessed that already)...........so its not like you can get away with a name like Dhananjay(HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHA,I just find it funny) without those initial raised eye brow expressions!!
So don't do this to your kids,unless kids are the source of all the remorse in the world,FOR YOU!!!But otherwise..........HELL AWAITS YOU,and there is nothing more pathetic and devastating than to rot in hell with heart breakers,nymphomaniacs,Ted Bundy and Metal posers(BLOODY SELL OUTS!)

Halloween went by,not a big deal in India but well Hiedi Klums dress up sure was,AND HEY HEY HEY!!!!!!!OBAMA'S IN THE HOUSE,WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!HOLLA SIZZLE,OBAMA MAH MAN'S THE NEW PREZ.I guess my anti-American feelings might just melt in to some orgasmic Jazz,yeah.And well life which was a Cradle of Filth( Dani Filth doesn't really make my day!!!!)is Jazz right now..........i feel old and satisfied,55 and lived a life.........see now that's a place i wanna be in,sigh!In all I'm alive and m not really cribbing too much..........plus,WINTERS ARE HERE.AH,winters in my city are the best...........the spookiest places are actually the mushiest of the lot,ah I'm so happy winters are here,winters are like a sign that its all over,good or bad that's for you too deal with.I've had beautiful sad winters,OH winter nights could be SAD.............but theres this pretty thing about them you cant get over,the weather and the streets get all deserted,the mist and in the dark the huge trees seem even bigger it almost seems like they own the sidewalks,the bad lighting on the streets,which seemed like a nuisance,just seems to add on to the whole backdrop,and the moon.........oh i would swoon if someone even mentioned Jazz right now.......WINTERS WINTERS WINTERS!!!!And then Christmas...........carols, the singing and the celebrations,MY FAVOURITE TIME!!!!!Sigh,i hope i have a winter death...............i wanna live the winter and then go..........BUT WHOSE DYING !!!!ITS TIME TO KILL,nah,i forgive all those motherlickers who have pissed me off lately in ANYWAY,you guys are not worth it,I hope you all die a natural death,i don't wanna rush anything ;)

PSST-na n now that tha don't kill me,can only make me stronger...i need you to hurry up now.......cause i cant wait much longer......ISNT IT PLAYIN!?!??!

Festive H[Bl]ues!!pff

OK,someone once said"When you are high,the only place you are going next is down!".Well yeah that was me and i guess i wasn't too sure how right i was,I mean bang bang on correct.HIGH!!Oh i was and you know when you are all high,OK I'll make it simple, high as in happy,glad,satisfied........that kinds ,and not grass, weed and the works.Its quite a cocky state trust me i mean,you are blissfully ignorant of the following [mis]haps.Diwali,interesting time.........no seriously its so interesting i mean even though we talk bout"peace,love,harmony"and pray every ones happy and bright,no ones even a tad bit sad or down.So much of wishing and hoping and waiting.............waiting,cause when you wish and hope you have to wait,that's the whole idea you know,its like a chain reaction,if it all goes well you kinna give into it and you BELIEVE "it all happens".And if it doesn't you either take the "wishing harder" road or you just give up,but either way its a let down,Beautiful letdown........I always believe you should never make commitments or promises when you are too high,cause you are NOT going to stay in the same drugged state..........i mean HAPPY state.
You know its easy to be self deprecating,on festivals ESPECIALLY.I mean you just feel you are a relationship wrecker,even though you haven't er.........exactly done anything too bad.I AM NOT REALLY SIDING WITH MYSELF,but its true its something about the air,its all bright and pretty...............and it doesn't seem right if you've got an ugly sticky situation to deal with,its just not befitting(oh i so hate this word,its too cockney).And you know no matter how much i try to make it all straight and plain,i just keep up with issues..........like i put myself into something without even realizing,I MIGHT NEVER BE ABLE TO GET OUTTA IT.Its the perfect thing to ruin your day and in the hindsight also ruins a major chunk of your life,no seriously.........ITS A CHAIN REACTION(OK I'm quite bored with this expression).But really it all is this disease..........and i mean it,like a cold i have and my throat hurts so crying is not an option,and it shouldn't really be.......its no use,it just makes you get super exhausted its not even rewarding like some workout.I don't know but lifes funny you know,i mean sometimes you don't really do anything for someone but they go outta their way to thank you cause you apparently made them realise something SO big,ha,it actually is nothing.........something so basic and well obvious that its a wonder how they didn't see it coming.And i don't even know how many of those "OMG,you changed the way i think" speeches i can take,because basically i don't change them as a person,its just a momentary thing............THEY don't change.I really wish i could actually change the way they think but that's like wishful thinking.On the other hand when you actually try to teach them something,you end up getting hurt and you learn,DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN........HAHAHAHHAHHAHAH,no don't mess with the forces of nature,YOU REALLY CAN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE(i always thought i could,sigh )
Its tough being the man in a relationship,I don't mean the one who has a willie i mean the one who actually lives up to all the fancy jargon once uttered out with so much conviction,that is why i say don't promise when you can barely feel the earth beneath yer feet,you're gonna come down sometime babe!Its such a wonder something which doesn't go outta fashion,trend,talks,interest and mind is love.Its the common factor always...............someones outta it,or planning and someones starting with it and someones in the "you changed my life" period,AND I STILL BUY IT!Its something everyone cashes on,movies do that star crossed lovers............OH THEY DIG IT,and then music every goddamn song has it.It amazes me,how popular love is,makes me so jealous!yesterday i actually felt the world getting back at me,like it was waiting to explode for a long long time.................it was all so calm before,like very uncanny,the kinds which make you feel scared cause you know whats coming is loud,i felt it too.Its a big mess,and i have so much time to clean it,but its not exactly what i want cause I've to throw everything then,and i don't really wanna do that.
I also realised festivals are an excuse to make a fool of yourself,in the name of "festive spirit",i caught it too...........i did something i was embarrassed bout later in the morning,but maybe that was the last thing i could do to make me feel good about having something or probably hoping i still have it.HOPE,ah kills you............you have to wait,its for the brave hearted,who are ready to take the negative and still not go"I DON'T BELIEVE IN THIS THING NO MORE".Sometimes you have to give up things no matter how nice they look or how perfect they seem,cause if those things are of no help in crisis they are nothing but confetti........looks nice, but it cant make your dead dogs carcass pretty,can it??So you be the sensible person and give them up,OUCH!!!Hurts man...........its not that easy eh?!?!?But hey they say "the best things in life are hard to get!"...........i smell the irony,its too strong!

P.S.-sleepingover things wont help..............cause you'll wake up sometime and realise the kitchens flooded.......and the cat drank all the milk!

Grow Up!!!How much?!?!

OKAY!!!!you know that's like the biggest issue,we deal with it everyday,don't we.........i mean lets get down and dirty,shall we?!?!Straight to the bloody deal huh!?!?No intros,no ice breakers,beating around the bush and no Blogger-friendly starts!!!How grown up are you,ARE WE?Exactly,what this bbbbbbloody term means i have yet to find out.They say "Grow-up"but never specify how much,what in the mighty hell would prove it,prove that WE'RE GROWN UPS!!!What kinna behaviour,antics would make us qualified enough to be considered "smart and mature" .MATURITY!!!oh yes the other favourite, puberty ain't enough man,it needs MUCH MORE than just that,what?? you ask........Do you think i have the wise answer,nope wrong person,sorry to disappoint you!!!
Cause well apparently i am living among fools ,fools who think they have "grown up".I mean seriously,what makes you think YOU are a grown up???Just cause you get Jazz,you can solve the trickiest fights in a jiffy,Hitchcock's movies make sense to you,your mom's stop whacking you and well you and your brother/sister don't fight like two bush babies...DOESN'T mean you are by any standards "grown up",because your "immature moment" will come,OH IT BLOODY WILL!Trust me,and all your dreams and whims of "AH I'm SO fly,so mature" will come crashing down.When we say we have grown up,we're so over THAT immature phase what exactly do we mean?Especially in relationships,i mean does that mean you don't think of pick up lines or corny stuff to make the other person feel nice.Does it mean you don't think of how you would wanna make out or plan how you would pick up a fight?YOU STILL DO THAT!!!!!so what makes you think you have reached that stage when people wont even dare to call you a"kid".I don't know where i stand and you know what I REALLY AM NOT BOTHERED.It eludes me,always.People say they have grown up,and then they do the most unreasonable of things,so where does it leave the others.........it leaves them looking like a fool,a fool who fell for the very elaborate declaration of "I have grown up!".
I think its the biggest mistake we make,when we try to keep track of how much we have grown up, to suit our age.Its not like measuring height people,its the metamorphosis of a whole persona,how can you give a verdict with such finality??Its easy said,talking about kids or mortgage or marriage doesn't make one mature.Making a few right choices(by our own stupid standards btw)avoiding a few mud-slinging situations,moving on the past(khee khee khee,you are still trying aren't you?!?!?) sorry to say......er.........is not IT!yer just in process man, no ones all mature,theres always room for immaturity and wild thoughts,so telling it to yourself everyday or telling other, just to make yourself believe the obvious lie....WON'T HELP!!I don't know when we're THERE,i don't even know if we ever will get THERE.I think its all about the the hard- to- achieve worldly standards we set not for ourselves but for others and how we get influenced to fulfill the ones set by others.Me?!?!Oh well i don't think I'm there,I don't get too many glares for my silly ways so i guess i am fine to be around,but really i am not mature,NOT enough cause i still plan how mean i need to be and with whom,for how many hours will my cell be off,how do i ignore certain people or did i win the last fight i had,if not how could i win the next one...........ahhahhahah,sigh i do I DO I DO!!!!!!I'm not ashamed of myself,but its a disappointment when people make completely "immature" assumption about their own "maturity"....its sad, plain sad.So lets stop keeping a check and let time and situations decide HOW MUCH we have grown up,cause frankly speaking i really haven't met a grown up till date!!!!!

P.S-YOU MONKEYS!!!!!!!I hate everyone.....count yourself in.........just leave your name and well a comment to go with it!