Blue Haze

Before you read this.....do take a look at the sky.......and the moon.And first read the post below this one,"I'm a dreamer".If you ask me how am i doing,I'll probably say.........I'm good now.............yeah i am but then what you'll not realise would be that if i am good NOW,i probably wasn't the same before.We mortals just overlook it all,a fake laugh ,a silent address, a cold distance,a warm but unmeaning full hug.........its not always what it seems.When we meet someone,we've got nothing too lose..........cause they don't own any part of you.........your secrets,your laughs, your touch....nothing.........you're safe.........but when they become a part of your life they get more than you think they have.......That's why i say strangers are safer than friends at times.Its a surprise if none of you thought that way.Can you picture one of your favourite "peeps" leaving you?!?!I cant,but it did happen........they go........sigh......to make place for the others.But then do you actually replace them?!?!Seriously,i really cant,its just so hard.........unfair.......would'nt that be like unfair to all that you once shared.......or were a part of.Take for example,yeah take this,straight from my life.........i tried to play these stupid tests with a lot of people.......blogthings.com........and well i never really got my partner back,who was it.......well someone who can't be replaced.HA,some said its sissy,some just couldn't get the "logic" behind it.........i tried, tried my best to be human enough to replace,forget,give up...........but i couldn't........i just couldn't!!
It rained,i feel hopeless,I hate rains and trains...........no i never really made an effort to make them rhyme.Rains make me all nostalgic and trains make me realize i can never be where someone is.........i just can't..........they both make me realise I'm such a puzzle...........an incomplete one............i feel hopeless that's why.You know that realization which crushes your subconscious pride is what you're truly scared of.Its like a weighing scale.............AAARGGHHH...........what could be worse than listening to "we are gonna be friends"........damn its gonna be a sad night.........Its all over....really?!?!I mean cant we bring it back,to life,fill it with life again?!?!?NO,things which die never come back and if they do they were never dead.........i believe in it.........you have to believe in something,I'm not a nihilist.......I'm a believer.........and i wish all of you realise its important to believe in something.Its OK if you've lost alot in life,atleast you know what you lost you can always work on it,the actual losers are those who don't even realise what they have..........WHAT LOSERS!!!!I don't know why I'm thinking so deep today............its happens........when I've had a whole day with myself.........alot of questioning and answering..........i give myself good company.........sometimes i do cheat myself but it gets better.I hate lying to me self,but i do it alot........and i get caught.........but then i never learn,shame isn't it?!?!?!
Someone asked me.........there is this common inspiration behind your work,yeah there is.........it still breathes,its a shame people i know so well don't inspire me as much as someone so unreachable can,funny,but yeah i owe it all to the inspiration.Its sad you guys never came across something like this..........i surprise myself everyday,when i realise how much a I learnt from this experience!!!!!I'm glad it did happen,"you don't let go of your feelings!".........I'm trying,for the first time,i am.........but its just sad i can't prove it to that one i should,beh,what the hell.........like it makes a difference........i should give up thinking I'm too unforgettable,but then today i got to know I'm "wacky and fun"........hehhheeh.............and I'm good to talk to.........and then this girl said............"i seriously wish i could be a bit of you!".......geez......what am i supposed to do with myself...........damn I LOVE ME..........but then i can't fall in love with myself........its a little uncomfortable,hehehhheh.............yeah i can be funny even when I'm like the saddest person on earth...........i can fake it pretty well..........TRY ME,seriously!

"I looked for you everywhere,i looked up....went deep.........i tried creating you too,but then i got tired.Then i tried giving up on you,i worked on it,but then you just wont go.I knew you're doing good,and i wondered why i wasn't.I sat and looked around,and then it all came crashing down.........you were everywhere..............in my brain too".Just a thought,its no use doing the impossible.......somethings just don't go.........and a thank you to someone.........cause i know it will never get that far........thankyou........and i would just end with a few lines from this song "I'll be seeing you-Billie Holiday"

" I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day through.

In that small cafe;
The park across the way;
The children's carousel;
The chestnut trees;
The wishin' well.

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.

I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you."

PSST-The sky's really pretty tonight,what a shame its too far.........